Today I made the conscious decision to let you go. Its crazy because you made the exact same decision months ago. I guess its about time I follow suit, huh?
But its not that easy for me. And, for sake of sounding like a broken record, I wont mention that which you already know.
But I will say that these last few months have been mentally and emotionally numbing. Still, I held on. For whatever reason, I held on. I Refused to give in to the inevitable change looming around us. Hoping against hope, and for a brief moment, believing, that you would make your way back to me so that we could finish what we started.
Because I was looking forward to us. I believed in the picture you painted. The colorful plume of possibilities you splattered across that page drew me in. So I dropped my guard and held on.
But then it dawned on me, what was “ours” was never really ours to begin with. A mere figment of my imagination. A mirage conjured up to fill a void that had long been abandoned.
It was never real. It was all a dream. A sick masochistic untruth that I took pleasure in.
The possibility of you calling me or ringing my bell. Intimate conversation over green tea and Sade. You drowning your sorrows between my legs. Me letting go and giving in to that which I truly desired…you.
A dream deferred.
But now that my eyes are half way open, and my heart almost free, I let go.
After all, what’s the sense in holding on to something that runs from my touch and avoids my reach?
So take this as the last hoorah!
Its been a bumpy ride, but worth every bruise.
Blessings,
nina
Damn, you should never let go of something you want so easily
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