Dear Love lost,
Welcome back.

"You give me premature ventricular contractions."
Heh

Blue funk Friday.

"To err is human; to forgive, devine."

Suddenly I'm afraid.

You can't promise a girl the world and then take her around the block.

The male ego.
Fragile indeed.

Lord help me to recognize the serpents in the grass. Those who speak cordially with their tongues but harbor ill intentions in their hearts. Those with impure and salacious expectations. Weed them out and remove them from my path.

Hard to decipher between fact and fiction today.
Seeking guidance, clarity, a gentle kiss, and a good squeeze on the ass.

Cocky mother fucker ;)

No more rain in this cloud.

I have been a bit fickle headed as of late.
My mind and heart are in a million different places at once. Neither seem to be in agreement with the other.

Intolerable cruelty.

Hmmmm...
So that's what that feels like ;)

Alive!!!!

Accusations fly like bullets do...

I suddenly feel the need to confess my sins.

My child and puberty.
I am not ready for this shit.

Incorrigible.

Emotional Clusterfuck...

I will wear the brunt of my bruises today. But I'll damned if I rock these mutha fucks tomorrow. 

My tendency to over think things rather than live in the moment, has done me more harm than good.

"You want the truth? You can't handle the truth."

I'm partly to blame for the mess I've made.
I may even venture to say I am completely to blame. Allowing my loneliness to override my character.
My lust to override my integrity.
The fucks wrong with me?

Bears Repeating...

GRAVITY...

“Gravity, stay the hell away from me…gravity wants to bring me down…”
Strings tugging at US
Pulling us further apart
Emotional tug of
War of the roses
Modern day clash of the titans
Synonymous is now anonymous
I don’t know him anymore
And the question remains
Did I ever really know?
Our song is no longer our song
Cant really say THIS is us Falling In Love
Gravity’s got us falling APART
Opposite ends of the spectrum
Fighting to hold on
Subliminal messages got me hating us
I’m breaking away from us
fighting the ledge
On the edge
Of diabolical warfare
Word games laced with devious mind games
Its not the same to me
This is not the way it used to be
But maybe this is the way its SUPPOSED to be
Emotional recession
Reminiscent of the great depression
Second guessing and stressing
Falling to our knees in confession
Tired of crying, slowly dying
I‘d be LYING if I said I didn’t love you
But I cant take this anymore
And the truth is, THIS is not WORTH fighting for…


nina

Nigga you ain't deep.

The one person I can let go with and be myself. Completely naked. Bearing every imperfection. Every scar, wound, and laceration.
With whom I can release the reigns of control and be completely submissive.
Trust with my vulnerabilities, my secrets, my fears, my dreams, my life, my love, my heart.
My sweet emancipation.

I find that I have been explaining myself a lot more than I'd like to as of late.
Watch me squash this shit.

The heart wants what the heart wants. I can't tell it any different.

My ass is getting out. Of. Control.

**sigh**

That feeling you get when you see something you want but know you can't have, at least not at the moment. That thick desire that pools in the pit of your stomach and radiates throughout your body.  All you do is eat, sleep, drink, and dream of this "thing" until finally, it's in your grasp.

I'm almost there.

I have accepted the terms placed in front of me.

They say old wounds heal over time. Well what the hell is taking so long for these old war wounds of mine to heal?
I’m talking about childhood, teenage, to adulthood wounds.
I’ve never ever given myself time to heal or room to grow from broken hearts past. There was always someone to catch me before I fell; or pick me up when I did.
From relationship to situationship, with mounds of fuckery in between, I have never truly been by myself. Without a man.. Whether we were loving or fucking, there has always been someone to fill that void.
An unhealed heart is an unhealthy heart and you can never fully love someone when your heart is in constant repair.
I need a healing for my soul. An exorcism of the heart. I need to release the ghosts of relationships past. Remove the skeletal remnants of words, disappointments, rejection, lies, and insecurities that plague my spirit and haunt me in my daydreams ..
I miss the simplicities that came along with being a child. The innocence. Not having to worry about adult bullshit. Fighting Barbie against my brother’s G.I. Joe. Combing my Cabbage Patch Doll’s hair. Playing house without the responsibilities of actually “playing house”.
Whenever I got hurt as a kid, I would just run and tell my mother, and “mommy would kiss it and make it better”. And, although the kiss never really made it better in the literal sense, the sentiment was there and lessened the pain.
But even mommy can’t kiss these wounds away.
…

Each day presents a different challenge. Yesterday's task was to simply resist the temptations placed before me.
I failed miserably.

Erotic reverie

There's a lot to be said about house music, heat, dance, and sweat. Combine that with 100,000 plus people communing together, intoxicated off each other. Spirited and free spirited. All of that hot sweaty flesh in such close proximity, releasing inhibitions and letting go.

**sigh**

That house picnic has put me in a rather lascivious mood.

What.
Am.
I.
Doing
?

Losing my voice and my patience.

Like the worm in the apple, the truth will eventually be found.

It has recently be confirmed, by a Libra man, that most Libra men are indeed sex addicts.  Which leads me to question...things.

Focus. Focus. Focus.
Look away for a bit...
then focus again.

I'm no quitter...but uh I quit this shit.

We all have our weaknesses.

Things I detest...

Liars
Insensitive assholes
Inconsistencies
Snoring
Fireworks at 2 am
Going to bed sexually frustrated
Going to bed mad because I'm sexually frustrated
Arguments
Bullshit
Unresolved Bullshit
Control freaks
Wanting to be held, and not having anyone around to hold me
Rejection
Other people's insecurity
My own insecurities
Being ignored
One word sentences
Childish men
Gossip mongers
Attention whores
Miscommunication
Unnecessary complications
Punctured stories
Unanswered questions
Having my words used against me
Filters
Holding back
Self doubt
Fear
Hate
Ignorance
Double standards
Stupidity
Restrictions

...

Among other things

Trust equals safety.

Fucking technology...
We don't talk no more.
We're too busy playing on our phones. Or on the computer.
Fantasizing.
No human contact.
Only texting. Skype. Email. Twitter. Facebook.
Bullshit.
Fucking technology...
Touch me. Talk to me. Look at me.
Put down the phone. Step away from the computer and communicate.
FUCKING technology.

At some point you have relinquish control and let go.