They say old wounds heal over time. Well what the hell is taking so long for these old war wounds of mine to heal?
I’m talking about childhood, teenage, to adulthood wounds.
I’ve never ever given myself time to heal or room to grow from broken hearts past. There was always someone to catch me before I fell; or pick me up when I did.
From relationship to situationship, with mounds of fuckery in between, I have never truly been by myself. Without a man.. Whether we were loving or fucking, there has always been someone to fill that void.
An unhealed heart is an unhealthy heart and you can never fully love someone when your heart is in constant repair.
I need a healing for my soul. An exorcism of the heart. I need to release the ghosts of relationships past. Remove the skeletal remnants of words, disappointments, rejection, lies, and insecurities that plague my spirit and haunt me in my daydreams ..
I miss the simplicities that came along with being a child. The innocence. Not having to worry about adult bullshit. Fighting Barbie against my brother’s G.I. Joe. Combing my Cabbage Patch Doll’s hair. Playing house without the responsibilities of actually “playing house”.
Whenever I got hurt as a kid, I would just run and tell my mother, and “mommy would kiss it and make it better”. And, although the kiss never really made it better in the literal sense, the sentiment was there and lessened the pain.
But even mommy can’t kiss these wounds away.
…