1

Let it go.

The truth is the light.

appreciate what you have instead of coveting what you don't?

Keep Calm And

masturbate.

repeatedly.

Someone to share with
Someone to laugh with
Someone to smile with
Someone to dance with
Someone to live with
Someone to love with
Someone to play with
Someone to lay with
someone

Ojos que no ven corazon que no siente.

Fuck

Surround yourself with people who believe in you.

People change.
People's needs change.
And life goes on.

Love

A woman who knows her worth doesn't need the validation of any man. not even her own. 
A man who knows and shows the worth of his woman knows indeed how favored he is.
Conversely, the man whose woman's worth goes unnoticed, is the man that eventually finds himself alone.

Lies rupture trust
Ruin friendships
Annihilate relationships
Destroy bonds
And at the end of the day, you get what you give

Tell folks you're in a relationship, they still don't get it.
*sigh*

Mi corazon <3
Siempre.

"Great minds fuck each other."
Yes. Yes they do...

Nothing worth having comes easy, but why's it got to be so hard?

Our love has changed.
Romance is dead.

Be yourself. Not a figment of the self you wish to be.

Trust. Honesty. Commitment. Understanding. Loyalty.
Intimacy.

I probably will. Because I can.

You always hurt the ones you love.
The ones you shouldn't hurt at all.

Insufferable.

The last few months have made me so much stronger in my situation yet so much more open and vulnerable in others.

I can't control his actions no more than he can control mine.

Truism

Some things can wait.
My love can't.
Besides, I want another baby.
A girl.

When you're in a relationship, certain things should come easy. A simple kiss, hug, or hello.
Everything is a struggle.
unnecessary struggle. Self inflicted pain.

"Your silence will not save you"

And I don't have an attitude. I'm just tired of all the bullshit.

http://wtfyou.tumblr.com/post/36016747361

Period.

There is no justification for cheating. Period.
If you're unhappy in your relationship, end the relationship.
Period.
Then there would be no need to cheat.
Period.

Appreciate what you have and who you have. You never know when it will be snatched away.

Amen.

Dear Lord,

Be good to me. The sea is so wide and my boat is so small.

Irish fisherman's prayer

I am

a good woman.
Flawed, but good.

Love yourself then others. Nowhere does it say love others then yourself.
I need to get my shit in order.

Everybody wants to be loved.
But very few people are willing to do what it takes to keep that love when they get that love.

No one wants to hear the truth.
And very few own up to it.
It takes two to Tango.

I want to cuddle and smooch and giggle and laugh and wrestle and touch and share secrets and tell stories and sit in silence and listen

Finding

my truth and holding on for dear life

Numb.

This thing is killing my spirit.
But one way or another I am going to be ok.
It's just the pain of right now that's keeping me from picking up and moving forward. Keeping me from forgetting and moving on.
The pain from his silence tormenting me.  robbing me of my peace. Halting my breath. Constipating my rationale.
The absence of his touch kicking me in the gut reminding of his inherent displeasure.
The emptiness of his hello. The hallow of his goodnight.
It's killing me. He knows.
But I won't cry. Enough of that.
Right now this well is dry.
I can't make him love me if he don't. But if he don't, then why won't he let me go?

Love the one you're with or let her ass go!!!

I don't do mind games. I prefer kissing games.

I know that I cannot and
will not please everyone
I know that they will not always
approve of or agree with
my actions
my words
my attitude
But as long as I know that I
have given them all of me
the very best of me
extended and overextended
the whole of me
physically mentally emotionally and spiritually
I'm good with that
I have no regrets

Keep
Living

Forever or fornever. 
you decide.

I'm not perfect.
I fuck up.
I hurt.
I need.
I want.
Just like the next man.
I am not perfect.
But I am human.
So who the fuck are you to judge?

At this point in the game, looks don't mean shit
It's your character that attracts me
Your integrity that catches me
Your moral standing that keeps me
The way you treat your mother
The way you love your woman adds more value to a relationship than the curl of your lips and the size of your penis
Looks fade just as surely as a penis shrivels.

He

makes her laugh and
smiles when she laughs.

Stewing.

I miss

having someone do things for me.
not because I ask them to, but
just because they want to.
I miss being told that I am beautiful
not out of obligation, but
out of appreciation.

she

only understands because she wants to get in your pants. 
please don't be foolish.

do not

turn into an assholes, nina.

Boredom, for me, can be quite dangerous.
I apologize in advance.

I

am trying to be everything that you need me to be
while
holding on to fragmented pieces of me
is
that shit even possible?

Hello

"Will you come sit in my seat so that I may sit in your lap?" is what I asked him he did I did I straddled him locking him in rocking on him rendering him helpless to my sexual prowess kissed his lips lifted my skirt above my hips unzipped his fly then welcomed him inside Hello

Our love

as we know it is about to change.
It'll either get better. Or it's going to get worse.  Either way it's about to change.

Truth is...

Everybody wants to place the blame, but nobody wants to take responsibility for their own shit.
Truth is we all could do better.
all around.

The me that I am on a daily basis, is not the me that i am when I am with him
she's different
my polar opposite
guarded
heavily
distant withdrawn uncertain and insecure
that is not the me that i want to be with he

dirty looks

i need to pray.
i really don't like that chick.

So busy looking at everyone else, that you've missed what's right in front of you.
One of these days you're going to see me.
Perhaps by then it'll be too late.

Bored

With everything. Time for something new.

Forgive me Father for I have sinned

"Be with someone who is proud to have you"

Watch "SOLANGE - LOSING YOU" on YouTube

I'm not the one you should be makin your enemy...

"I'm all for the team as long as I can be a part of the planning"

Yes!! What she said.

today I will try something different
today I will remove the layers
the layers that clothe and cover
uncover my deepest insecurities imperfections and complexities
today I will stand
naked
open
unarmed
bearing all that is hidden
in me
today I will be 
vulnerable

I
will never
apologize
for loving you
too hard.

Last night

just may have been my undoing

Seriously though...

fuck tough love.

Inevitable withdrawal

" We can’t survive on just love. If we do, then we die."

Solange Knowles - Sleep In The Park

It's good to have someone to talk to when it seems there is no one to talk to.

You say that its mine, but is it all mine? The parts apart from the part that is your penis.
Your heart? Your mind? Your thoughts? Your dreams?
Your arms? Your hands? Your lips? Your tongue?
Are they all mine?
Or were you merely referring to the long thick line that aligns in line with your knee caps?

but you're too scared and i'm too damaged

http://abluesforbrklyn.tumblr.com/post/32695242024/scatteredtealeaves-but-youre-so-scared-and

It takes nothing to tell someone that you miss them or that you love them.
Especially if you mean it.
But I suppose showing and telling are two totally different things.

Communication

is everything. Without it there is nothing.

at work, my boredom knows no bounds...

Organic

Fresh
Real
Raw
No additives
Unadulterated
Unpasteurized
Lust

No expectations

No disappointment

Be sure to taste your words before you spit them out...

i think he likes that twentyone questions bullshit

i don't.
in fact, i see it as a major glitch in communication.
you think i like asking a million questions just to get to one erroneous answer?

...

"The girl really worth having won't wait for anyone"

...

Every

Girl likes to be watched
and appreciated

i

want it to feel like the first time. every time.

An idle mind does devilish things.

Together

1. in cooperation with united action; conjointly
2. with mutual action; mutually; reciprocally

Subtlety not so subtle

but I feel you

but i love his dirty socks

I love them so much that I want to put them in a pot of boiling water and make dirty sock soup....
then feed it to him.

I KNEW IT.

they say..

http://abluesforbrklyn.tumblr.com/post/32381470448/stoneybalony-the-indigo-children

it's just that no one has taken the time to dust me off before

http://bluesfornina.tumblr.com/post/32384606123

You can lead a man to the p*ssy, but you can't force him to eat.

"It could be beautiful..."
Word?

If I can't tell you, then who the fuck am I supposed to tell?

S E E

Support. Encouragement. Empathy.

Show me the beauty in an emotionless relationship and I'll show you a bold face lie.

Do not promise what you cannot deliver.

Filter

Less.
Free to ex
press
My joy and my pain
No more waiting in vain
For your love
In my soul you'll remain
But there's no more rain
In this cloud

Found it!

Motivation is everywhere. Sometimes you just have to look for it.

Emotional quandary

He checks on him.
I check on him and him.
Who checks on me?
Everybody needs somebody.

Today

Sucked ass on so many levels.

Rejected affections
Maybe it’s a blessing
No more second guessing
No stressing
Wisdom in my pocket
Another life lesson

Being loved and Being love.
I am love therefore I am loved.
Feel me?

bit-o-advice...

It's not what you say, but how you say it that makes all the difference in the world.
:)

92512

This place is robbing me of my creativity. Depleting me of my purpose.
I don't like that shit.

Surround yourself with the things and people that make you most happy.
Love and light.

This

http://tylerknott.com/post/32203369495/typewriter-series-181-by-tyler-knott-gregson

Smiling

at myself

I'm in favor of building positive, real, honest, long lasting friendships/relationships

Give to yourself. Take care of your needs.

Feeding my spirit with some good positive energy.

Be content. But do not settle.

"No sense in crying over spilled milk 'cause its wasted..."

If

i can't write honestly, then what can i write?

He'll make you feel like someone special
or nothing at all

The chemistry is off.

9232012

You're pretty when you're smiling
Beautiful when you're hurting
Lovely when you're angry
Comical when uncertain
Filled with overpowering raw emotion that cannot be hidden or denied

Love and trust are mutually exclusive

You can't truly have one without the the other

I wanted your hands to get to know my body
Intimately
They became close friends

...

nina

I need some stability

This back and forth bullshit is killing me

What I learned yesterday..

Things aren't always as they seem
What looks good on the outside could be broken on the inside
Sometimes people, myself in particular, tend to let their imagination get the best of them
Thoughts become things...that's not always a bad thing
Choose your battles and choose them wisely.
Sometimes the logical response trumps the emotional response
...most times
Do not allow yourself to be placed in a box
You don't belong there
Let go
Live love and have fun
Tap into untapped talent without fear
Explore uncharted territory
Speak openly, but tactfully
Words have power
Every person whose words ever kissed your ears or hands touched your soul, has been placed before you for a reason. A purpose far beyond ordinary understanding
A little unbiased outside counsel can do the heart good...not to mention the mind
Laughter can heal almost anything
Look at the bigger picture, not just the picture placed before you
You're not the only one who has needs, Physical or otherwise
Sometimes a man just wants to be fucked
Sometimes i just want to be fucked
...

It could be beautiful. But the shit's not going to magically happen.
It takes work.
But it really could be beautiful.

But I don't want hurt, I want happy.

It's not just about the sex.
It's a lot deeper than that.
It's about the connection.
I need that.
Perhaps you don't. We are different and that's fine.
But I need that.

Self-righteous indignation.

I'll find it myself.

How's about you just kiss me. Passionately.
Then we can forget.
The pain. The frustration. The uncertainty of us.
How's about you just kiss me.
Passionately.
Then we can forget.
Everything.

I ask a lot of questions because I want to know the answers.
Not some manufactured version of the truth.

We are stronger together...

I need a plan

this shit ain't working.

What the absolute fuck.

Seriously?

So do not worry, I wont ask again.
But maybe you should ask again.
Since you seem the be the one caught between clarity and confusion and cant seem to decide which path to take.

being honest is one of the most refreshing, most rewarding things you can do...
for yourself.

"Light has a way, when washing over the old, the broken, the rusted and the lonely, of fixing and healing, finding and giving, if for a moment, a sliver of understanding.  Please find your way through the clouds, and when you do, fall upon me."
Light Beam Atop Barn Roof (by TylerKnott)

Arbitrary Bullshit

I love you.
Maybe that's why it's complicated.

and i'm still learning...

No one really taught me to love myself and express myself. I had to learn that shit on my own.

Un...

touched.

Bold SHOUTY CAPS...

indelibly...

Sorta Outta Sorts...

Even after all of this, I still feel...

Full blown dirty birdie, here. Pleased to make your acquaintance.

FUCK! Just what the absolute fuck?!!

Worry not little foot. Whatever will be, will be.

Because I told you the truth, I hurt you. Had I told you a lie, I would have hurt you even more.
Shits gonna hurt no matter how you slice it.
Pain is not my ammunition. Truth is.

The Tiger Who Wore White Gloves

By Gwendolyn Brooks
 

There once was a tiger, terrible and tough,

who said "I don't think tigers are stylish enough.

They put on only orange and stripes of fierce black.

Fine and fancy fashion is what they mostly lack.

Even though they proudly

speak most loudly,

so that the jungle shakes

and every eye awakes—

Even though they slither

hither and thither

in such a wild way

that few may care to stay—

to be tough just isn't enough."

These things the tiger said,

And growled and tossed his head,

and rushed to the jungle fair

for something fine to wear.
 

Then!—what a hoot and yell

upon the jungle fell

The rhinoceros rasped!

The elephant gasped!

"By all that's sainted!"

said wolf—and fainted.
 

The crocodile cried.

The lion sighed.

The leopard sneered.

The jaguar jeered.

The antelope shouted.

The panther pouted.

Everyone screamed

"We never dreamed

that ever could be

in history

a tiger who loves

to wear white gloves.

White gloves are for girls

with manners and curls

and dresses and hats and bow-ribbons.

That's the way it always was

and rightly so, because

it's nature's nice decree

that tiger folk should be

not dainty, but daring,

and wisely wearing

what's fierce as the face,

not whiteness and lace!"
 

They shamed him and shamed him—

till none could have blamed him,
 

when at last, with a sigh

and a saddened eye,

and in spite of his love,

he took off each glove,

and agreed this was meant

all to prevail:

each tiger content

with his lashing tail

and satisfied
with his strong striped hide.
 

Fruit juicy red
legs sprawled across the bed
he dipped the tip of his head
and parted the red sea...

"It's so loud inside my head with words that I should have said. As I drown in my regret, I can't forget the words I never said." -Lupe Fiasco

Fuckin bloody vagina is pissing me the piss off.

sorry

This life shit is a big bitch sometimes.
Sometimes.

"I want to take him down to China Town and slice him off a piece of this pumpkin pie, okay?"

I am the darkness. You are the stars.

Sapiosexual- a person who is sexually attracted to intelligence in others.
;)

Order in a chaotic mind is incomprehensible, but not impossible.

I have my moments when I feel like absolute fucking shit,
this being one of them.

People people people, when will you learn? When dealing with me, you will not be placed on a pedestal. I will not break my neck to get your attention. I will not sweat you. I will not chase after you. Nor will I give you more attention than you deserve. I frankly don't give a shit who you are or from what planet you hail. At the end of the day, you are human just like me. A mere mortal and will be treated as such.
Since when did friendships, or any other relationship for that matter, require heavy relentless pursuit of the other? Hearty praise and worship?
People have this friendship/relationship thing all types of messed up.

Maybe we'll be butterflies...

Debunk the funk...

Hella intent on feeding my cravings today
;)

UPDATE: Satiated. Cravings satisfied...well at least two out of three.
Sesame chicken from Big Bowl.
Fresh banana cheesecake from Cheesecake Factory.
Mmm Mmm yummaay :)

Boys and their toys. Nina and her boys.

Vanilla pineapple and granola yogurt, honey grain bagel with honey pecan cream cheese, and green tea.
Fighting my Doughnut Vault addiction one day at a time.

Fear...the mother of evil.

But alls I had was a glass of wine...

Oh what a tangled web we weave...

What you do today is what matters most...

One thing I do not do well is fight with those that I love.

dirty birdie moment...

Eat me up. Then fill me up.
Please and Thank You.
;)

"Accept me as I am with this tendency I have to be able to love everyone, including you, or just don't Fucking bother me at all."

-Alice Walker

Fear resonates through my body breaking my bones at the thought of life...with you, but I cannot imagine my next breath without you...

She's nearly as tall as me. And damn near just as heavy  :)
Fun times with Ms. Brey

"I am an expression of the Divine, just like a peach is, just like a fish is. I have a right to be this way...I can't apologize for that, nor can I change it, nor do I want to...we will never be other than who we are..."
-Alice Walker, The Color Purple

Arms length...

if I pull you any closer, and you hurt me, I will kick your ass.

I apologize in advance...

There is no way for me to say what I want to say or do what I want to do without hurting someone's feelings.

I am no longer convinced.

Stifled by silence...

Cupcakes...and Other Drugs Part III

I haven't the capacity to deal with this shit today.

Your beauty is bewitching, I cannot deny. But what good is beauty, when you're mangled inside...

"Do I contradict myself? Very well, then I contradict myself, I am large, I contain multitudes"
-W. Whitman

Everything with a grain if sugar. Brown sugar.

Friendship then relationship.
That's the only way

Be Muh Fuckin spectacular!!!!

Dear Love lost,
Welcome back.

"You give me premature ventricular contractions."
Heh

Blue funk Friday.

"To err is human; to forgive, devine."

Suddenly I'm afraid.

You can't promise a girl the world and then take her around the block.

The male ego.
Fragile indeed.

Lord help me to recognize the serpents in the grass. Those who speak cordially with their tongues but harbor ill intentions in their hearts. Those with impure and salacious expectations. Weed them out and remove them from my path.

Hard to decipher between fact and fiction today.
Seeking guidance, clarity, a gentle kiss, and a good squeeze on the ass.

Cocky mother fucker ;)

No more rain in this cloud.

I have been a bit fickle headed as of late.
My mind and heart are in a million different places at once. Neither seem to be in agreement with the other.

Intolerable cruelty.

Hmmmm...
So that's what that feels like ;)

Alive!!!!

Accusations fly like bullets do...

I suddenly feel the need to confess my sins.

My child and puberty.
I am not ready for this shit.

Incorrigible.

Emotional Clusterfuck...

I will wear the brunt of my bruises today. But I'll damned if I rock these mutha fucks tomorrow. 

My tendency to over think things rather than live in the moment, has done me more harm than good.

"You want the truth? You can't handle the truth."

I'm partly to blame for the mess I've made.
I may even venture to say I am completely to blame. Allowing my loneliness to override my character.
My lust to override my integrity.
The fucks wrong with me?

Bears Repeating...

GRAVITY...

“Gravity, stay the hell away from me…gravity wants to bring me down…”
Strings tugging at US
Pulling us further apart
Emotional tug of
War of the roses
Modern day clash of the titans
Synonymous is now anonymous
I don’t know him anymore
And the question remains
Did I ever really know?
Our song is no longer our song
Cant really say THIS is us Falling In Love
Gravity’s got us falling APART
Opposite ends of the spectrum
Fighting to hold on
Subliminal messages got me hating us
I’m breaking away from us
fighting the ledge
On the edge
Of diabolical warfare
Word games laced with devious mind games
Its not the same to me
This is not the way it used to be
But maybe this is the way its SUPPOSED to be
Emotional recession
Reminiscent of the great depression
Second guessing and stressing
Falling to our knees in confession
Tired of crying, slowly dying
I‘d be LYING if I said I didn’t love you
But I cant take this anymore
And the truth is, THIS is not WORTH fighting for…


nina

Nigga you ain't deep.

The one person I can let go with and be myself. Completely naked. Bearing every imperfection. Every scar, wound, and laceration.
With whom I can release the reigns of control and be completely submissive.
Trust with my vulnerabilities, my secrets, my fears, my dreams, my life, my love, my heart.
My sweet emancipation.

I find that I have been explaining myself a lot more than I'd like to as of late.
Watch me squash this shit.

The heart wants what the heart wants. I can't tell it any different.

My ass is getting out. Of. Control.

**sigh**

That feeling you get when you see something you want but know you can't have, at least not at the moment. That thick desire that pools in the pit of your stomach and radiates throughout your body.  All you do is eat, sleep, drink, and dream of this "thing" until finally, it's in your grasp.

I'm almost there.

I have accepted the terms placed in front of me.

They say old wounds heal over time. Well what the hell is taking so long for these old war wounds of mine to heal?
I’m talking about childhood, teenage, to adulthood wounds.
I’ve never ever given myself time to heal or room to grow from broken hearts past. There was always someone to catch me before I fell; or pick me up when I did.
From relationship to situationship, with mounds of fuckery in between, I have never truly been by myself. Without a man.. Whether we were loving or fucking, there has always been someone to fill that void.
An unhealed heart is an unhealthy heart and you can never fully love someone when your heart is in constant repair.
I need a healing for my soul. An exorcism of the heart. I need to release the ghosts of relationships past. Remove the skeletal remnants of words, disappointments, rejection, lies, and insecurities that plague my spirit and haunt me in my daydreams ..
I miss the simplicities that came along with being a child. The innocence. Not having to worry about adult bullshit. Fighting Barbie against my brother’s G.I. Joe. Combing my Cabbage Patch Doll’s hair. Playing house without the responsibilities of actually “playing house”.
Whenever I got hurt as a kid, I would just run and tell my mother, and “mommy would kiss it and make it better”. And, although the kiss never really made it better in the literal sense, the sentiment was there and lessened the pain.
But even mommy can’t kiss these wounds away.
…

Each day presents a different challenge. Yesterday's task was to simply resist the temptations placed before me.
I failed miserably.

Erotic reverie

There's a lot to be said about house music, heat, dance, and sweat. Combine that with 100,000 plus people communing together, intoxicated off each other. Spirited and free spirited. All of that hot sweaty flesh in such close proximity, releasing inhibitions and letting go.

**sigh**

That house picnic has put me in a rather lascivious mood.

What.
Am.
I.
Doing
?

Losing my voice and my patience.

Like the worm in the apple, the truth will eventually be found.

It has recently be confirmed, by a Libra man, that most Libra men are indeed sex addicts.  Which leads me to question...things.

Focus. Focus. Focus.
Look away for a bit...
then focus again.

I'm no quitter...but uh I quit this shit.

We all have our weaknesses.

Things I detest...

Liars
Insensitive assholes
Inconsistencies
Snoring
Fireworks at 2 am
Going to bed sexually frustrated
Going to bed mad because I'm sexually frustrated
Arguments
Bullshit
Unresolved Bullshit
Control freaks
Wanting to be held, and not having anyone around to hold me
Rejection
Other people's insecurity
My own insecurities
Being ignored
One word sentences
Childish men
Gossip mongers
Attention whores
Miscommunication
Unnecessary complications
Punctured stories
Unanswered questions
Having my words used against me
Filters
Holding back
Self doubt
Fear
Hate
Ignorance
Double standards
Stupidity
Restrictions

...

Among other things

Trust equals safety.

Fucking technology...
We don't talk no more.
We're too busy playing on our phones. Or on the computer.
Fantasizing.
No human contact.
Only texting. Skype. Email. Twitter. Facebook.
Bullshit.
Fucking technology...
Touch me. Talk to me. Look at me.
Put down the phone. Step away from the computer and communicate.
FUCKING technology.

At some point you have relinquish control and let go.

Fear is a prison.

Sees me, knows me, and still loves me in spite of me.

Prayer for early dismissal...

SusieQ: "Do you think they'll let us leave early tomorrow even though we're leaving early Tuesday?"
Me: "We should probably pray about it. Dear sweet Brown baby jeebus please give the tin man a heart and the scarecrow a brain and the lion some courage and let Dorothy find her way back home. But most importantly jeebus, let these fools let us leave early tomorrow. Mama really needs a break. Amen"
SusieQ: "Amen"

Sure hope this works.

Update: Thank You jeebus :-)

Stability.
Not too much to ask.
I know nothing is ever guaranteed, but the promise of some form of stability is what I crave. What I need.
I want so badly to let someone in, to trust whole heartedly, to allow myself to be vulnerable with someone. To crawl out of this shell and lie completely naked bearing my soul without reservation. 
Freedom.

Stubborn
Stuck in my ways
Selfish
Insecure
Needy
Elusive
Difficult to read
Stingy with the goods
Over analytical
Spoiled
Nonchalant...
Sensitive
Inquisitive
Unfiltered
Impulsive

*sigh*
I'm sure I missed something.

Secretive! Forgot that one.

I am fucking imperfect.
I own that.

Now show me your flaws...

Sometimes you have to be broken down to your lowest common denominator in order to build yourself up again.
Thank you.

I swear. What I'm about to do won't hurt a bit...but you have to trust me...or else it won't work...
(snickers)

Maaaan...

Fuck that shit.

We are both fools fooling ourselves and each other.

6-21-2012

Some people, and by people I mean Libra men, tend to lash out at and push away those closest to them in times of struggle and/or uncertainty. They keep at arms length the ones they "love"; the ones who tell them the truth even when they don't want to hear it, and embrace those they don't know very well. The perfect stangers that blow smoke, feed their ego, and tell them what they want to to hear blinding them from the truth. The ones with hidden agendas and  underlying ulterior motives.
I guess they're more in love with the fallacy than the reality.

Just as confused as I was before I sat my ass in that car.
This can't be life.

You think you're in Love? Live with his/her ass for two months and then tell me how in love you are. Oh you'll still love em, if the love was real to begin with. But you sure as hell won't like em very much.

"Listen, smile, agree, then do whatever the fuck you were gonna do anyway."
-Robert Downey Jr.

Aarrrg!!!

FUCKING Libra men!

If the men that I date are a mere reflection of me, I've got some serious 'splaining to do.

A piece of cake you're not. Maybe a piece of pi as in what's the square root of pi...difficult to figure out without a calculator.

6-15-13

Motor pony.

Some sound advice from a good friend.

Watch "Lalah Hathaway ft. Marcus Miller - All This Time" on YouTube

Reminds me of what it's like to really love someone and have that love returned.

"I'm going to dream, me on top, deep inside, no strokes, just deep inside...continuous kisses, smiles, some whispers... holding hands... closer than two, more like one... no strokes... just together... deep inside..."

Fucking Libra men.

It sucks when the one you want is right next to you and you can't even touch them.

I was told that a little more fruit in my diet will make my honeypot that much sweeter.

I love you.
So simple.
So complex.

It is officially official.

I Am Joy.

"Difficult for the sake of being difficult..."
I don't think that's me...is it?

A home divided is no home at all.

” Don't put your trust in walls 'cause walls will only crush you when they fall...”             
                        -Ray Lamontagne

Hand prints on my ass
They caught me by surprise those
Hand prints on my ass..

(snap snap snap snap)

I don't know what the fuck I'm doing anymore.

Biting my tongue just to keep the peace is not my strong suit.

He's a mere boy who
Has a woman who
Wants a man...

Treat people well
Always tell the truth even when that shit hurts
Hold on to the ones you love
Don't take anyone or anything for granted
Show gratitude always
Understand that people are not interchangeable
People are not disposable, or invaluable. Everyone serves a purpose. We all hold a certain position
And ”higher” does not mean ”greater”
Do not lead anyone on or use someone for your own personal gain
Avoid confusion. Be clear and open about what you want and do not want
Give freely and often without expecting anything in return
Admit your wrongs and apologize for your offenses
Do not make yourself the victim
Be mindful of people's feelings
You're not the only one capable of being hurt
When you're hurt, talk, write, walk, scream your way through the pain. Do not hold it in.
That shit is deadly
Laugh as hard as you can as often as you can
It's medicinal
Love honest, hard, and deep
Never ever give up.

Coping Mechanisms (my current wishlist)

Dictionary.com
Inspiration to write...SOMETHING
Laughter. Mine and His
Music
A good book
Cookies
An awesome Squeeze
Intergalactic kisses
Intimate conversation
Sex
Comfort food
Silence
Solitude
....

”An honest answer is like a kiss on the lips”
Kiss me. Honestly.

I love hard and deep.
That won't ever change.
Understand?

1032011

Tainted.
Remnants of your sweat, my tears stain my pillow
Forgetful reminders of our history
The picture you painted so vividly
So real I could touch it with my tongue and taste the
Sweetness of its memory
Such a beautiful mistake
Arsenic laced, you traced the outline of my heart with your dick
Your remedial stick
Weapon of mass destruction
You punctured my soul and filled the hole with your empty words
Lies and fallacious alibis
Inception turned deception and blurried my perception of the truth
Now I am face to face, heart in hand, hand in hand with reality and
God’s revelation that this is the ways it’s meant to be

You think its going to get better, but it never really does. You think that, with time and discipline, the feelings that were once like quick sand, would somehow dissipate and you’ll be ok…
That shit don’t happen either

Mental titillation begets sexual stimulation.

Who knows why people do what they do.
No more preaching to the choir.

It's not the same. Things are different now. My focus is on him. Nothing else even matters.

Someone somewhere is listening. Someone is watching. Someone somewhere is paying attention. Whomever that someone is, I thank you.

We strayed from the plan. I no longer see the light at the end of the tunnel.

Confession...

I sometimes want to throw bricks at the people on his fb page. Is there an app for that?

4 days without any tree makes Nina a very unhappy camper.

Appreciate her. Protect her. Make her feel safe. Don't give anyone else the opportunity to do what you're not willing to do.

PASSION!

that's the missing ingredient.

Something's missing. I don't know what, but it's missing.

"I'm in repair. I'm not together, but I'm getting there" - John Mayer

Grumpy old man. Yes.

4-26-12

We’re not at war with each other, that’s what I decided. We’re at war with ourselves.
Fighting the demons between us
But…
I’m not myself anymore. And it shows when Bean looks at me; when I look at me.
I hardly recognize that stranger in the mirror staring back at me. The little girl with the sad eyes and weak smile.
This is NOT me.
This war is killing me softly.

Someone told me I was beautiful today.
To my face.
Not cute. Not pretty.
Beautiful.

That caged bird wasn't singing.

Voiceless words that fall on deaf ears...

I'm too tired to care.

Although the arguing is over, we have yet to collectively acknowledge the root of the problem. We have yet to come to a feasible resolution where equal parts agree. We have yet to apologize for our contribution to the nonsense that has clouded judgement, halted rationalization, and evoked complete emotional distress.
In other words, we have swept our issues under the proverbial rug. Damn it's dirty under there.
We have slapped a great big bandaid over wounds laden with years of unresolved bullshit, past hurts, and undiscovered untruths.

Conflict. No resolution. The story of us.

GO TEAM?

Day 5

I am forever changed.
Things won't ever be the same.

Day 4

No more words.

Day 3

This aint love. It's torture.

Day 2

Apathetic: indifferent; unresponsive; withdrawn. Unfeeling.

Day 1.5

Granted. Taken for.
Disappear. Must I?

Day 1

I think I already said this, but I'm not built for this shit.
Fragile? Understatement. Normally I'd argue the notion, but there is absolutely nothing "normal" about this...."situation" therefore fragile is precisely what I'm feeling.
Disconnected.
Withdrawn.
And its not as if my hand was pushed. I wasn't forced against my will. I put myself here. We put ourselves here in hopes of building, growing, loving, living. In harmony. Not chaos.
Well now, I'm not so sure anymore. I cant ask a sincere question or make a statement without getting my head torn off. Something as sweet and endearing as a well meaning hug has turned into a derogatory gesture. Is this the reality of cohabitating lovers?
So now what the fuck.?!?!
Praying.

The Beginning.

Lingering suspicion.

Making a conscious decision to let go of and relinquish everything you’ve held on to. Every hurt, every hurdle, every deterrent, every distraction, every piece of everything that has held you abound and shackled and kept you from your glory. To release those things into the hands of a higher power and trust that everything will work out for your greater good, is one of the greatest things you will ever do.
Trusting man, a human being, to give you a sense of self worth, to be reliable, dependable, open, honest…consistent, is one of the dumbest things you will ever do.
Things change. People change. But God doesn’t.
God’s love is constant. His hand is unwavering. God never fails us. He never leaves, never disappoints. He sees us for who we are, and still loves us in spite of who we are.
People don’t fail us, we fail ourselves when we put all of our hope, our trust in the next man who is just as screwed up as us.
Termites sucking life out of each other. Depleted of any real sense of self. Completely oblivious to what this life, this gift is really about.

My next boy friend is gonna be a sweet compassionate fat sloppy son of a bitch who loves to have sex.

I don't know how to do this.

Anything worth having is worth fighting for.  Right now I feel like I'm in the fight of my life. 

Quick with the promises. Lacking in the follow through.

"Does my sexiness upset you? Does it come as a surprise that I dance like I've got diamonds at the meeting of my thighs..."

Ha!

Ready to implode. Filled with words that refuse to form complete sentences. So I say nothing at all.
Bite my tongue. Something I said I'd never do.

I do my shit in the light in the open where everyone can see. Just because you play footsy in the dark  under the table dont make you better than me.

Sometimes I don't think I'm strong enough for this shit.

Heathen.

"Uhmm damn shawty, what yo name is..."

The mini mix of sex and emotion has finally subsided.
The smoke has cleared.
I can see again.

Zen and The Art of Who Gives a Fuck...

People will disappoint the shit out of you if you let them. The point is not to let them.

I have named you queen.
There are taller ones than you, taller.
There are purer ones than you, purer.
There are lovelier than you, lovelier.
But you are the queen.
When you go through the streets
no one recognizes you.
No one sees your crystal crown, no one looks
at the carpet of red gold
that you tread as you pass,
the nonexistent carpet.
And when you appear
all the rivers sound
in my body, bells
shake the sky,
and a hymn fills the world.
Only you and I,
only you and I, my love,
listen to it.
- Queen, Pablo Neruda

Over analyzing.

Adult Conversation Is...

Virtually obsolete.

Mind contact.

Mental stimulation.

Mind fuck me...

Please and Thank You..